Nov 30 2010
Just sitting here thinking how my life has change for the better, Making friends on Facebook and chat room. Never meeting them in person but they all touch my heart. I lost and grieve for my family and friends, like so many other people. I saw on Facebook some of my friends lost their child for no reason and I am so bless that my children are safe and love. Mostly since the doctor says I never could have a baby. I fought the battles of endometriosis for many years before the right treatment and the right man came into my life.
I got pregnant. I was so happy so was my husband. Then one day I was in the bathroom and next thing I know I was bleeding and lost the baby. Never know it how much this effect our lives not knowing why we lost the baby. It change thing with us he never gotten the loss. Then 3 months later by chance I was late I went to Doctor and sure enough i was pregnant again! I was so worry and scared and praying that this time I wont loss the baby! I was counting down the days then months then i know it was truly pregnant!
So how in my heart i knew it would be a girl and on February, 4 i went into labor and by February, 5 i gave birth to a health girl! I pick our her name a few months before I gave birth and I knew her middle name was. It was going to be my grandma's middle name. I lost my grandma when I was 13 years old. My daughter name is Emily Marie. Her birthday is February 5, 1994 my husband name is Ed he was okay with having her but I can see how he wasn't ready to be a father.
He works 40 hour weeks and he drank after work either at the bar or at home. When he wasn't drinking I ask him to spend time with his daughter he would give her a bath when she was little and do other things with her.
In the house hold when Emily was born and prier to her birth there was Ed and me and also my mom. Now my mom can be a hot head woman and demand a lot from me. she was deaf and very moody and a low education. I know at the time when I was growing up that she tired hard to be a good mom to us but I was the only girl with 2 brothers and also i was the oldest . growing up real fast. I had to over come a lot of difficult learning how to talk and sign language but talking wasn't my first language it was signing.
Ed was trying to sign and talk to my mom but she wanted no part with him and that hurts all of us. For me and Emily even as she was a newborn lived in 2 worlds the hearing and the deaf and there was no middle ground for us. The more we try to be with my husband the more he drank and show me he didn't care but at times he care and 2 years later we got pregnant again!
June 12,1996 i gave birth to a baby boy. Healthy and loved even tho Ed wasn't their when I gave birth I was very upset with him not being there but over the few hours i got over it. We end up naming our son Paul Alan .
The next day I had my tubes tied because I got what I wanted a healthy girl and a boy. Then a few days we came home happy but again living in 2 worlds but now I seeing thing changing with my husband he drinking more and more and now suffer mental illness. i support him by helping him go to work and seeing a doctor for his mental illness but with all that one would think not to mix beer and meds .
This one day a day I never forget he touch me and I knew it was the beer and the pills and instead of putting him in jail I called my friend and had my husband place in a mental ward.
From this to there over the few months things didn't change for the better only worse and the last time he was in the mental ward and me with 2 kids both under 5 years old, Ed said that the doctor said that it best we part. i said fine go do what you think is best and since Paul was like 6 months old Ed was out of our life's.
Now I am a signal mother with 2 kids no income no child support and no husband and all I have for help is my mom during all this my mom has breast cancer. All I did was run around helping her with Doctor appointment and taking kids to their Doctor appointment this last for ever it felt.
I was alone in my world. My kids are first before anything I notice that Paul wasn't reaching his milestone like Emily did. i made an appointment for the Doctor and he refer me to another place to have Paul tested for delays . We had a group of workers working with Paul to help him catch up it was a battle at age 2 1/2 to 3 Paul wasn't verbal all he could do was scream and point.
Then we had the other Doctor study Paul it was an all day test. I drove there and had Paul tested and by the end of the day they came and said he has autism. I left there daze and confuse and when I got into the car leaving the parking garage I started to cry. I was like now what how can I help him. I wanted to get the best care I can for him so I did some investigation and got a group and they came in and oh wow how they made a lot of important but it was hard on all of us but it was worth it.
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